For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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