i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
