Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
