I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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