If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
