i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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