naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
