im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize