I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
