Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
