Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
