how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Acid is not a monday night drug
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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