you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
