It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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