I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
