watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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