Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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