it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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