I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
