sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
