I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
