What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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