OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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