i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
