why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
