If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i would punch a child for taco bell
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
