so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
