Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
