I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
