I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
