Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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