i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Shame - the story of my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
