Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
