What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
