I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
