I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
