I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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