she woke up with a sticky ear
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
