Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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