FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
