Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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