I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
