Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
