So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
