I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
