i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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