I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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