I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
