Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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