you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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