I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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