My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
