Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
this hospital has no fireball
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
