I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
