The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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