sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize