We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
