I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
zippers are such a cool invention
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
