Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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