I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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