If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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