Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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