Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
