any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
