I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
