Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
