bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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