so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
