saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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