please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
